Blog #6 Steering Emotions, Thoughts, and Actions for Stronger Bonds

Managing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors has been crucial for me when interacting with others, so in this blog, I will reflect on a few situations where control helped me communicate more effectively and form healthier relationships. For example, once at work, I felt my frustration rising when a regular customer, a stressed-out doctor, snapped at my co-workers. Instead of reacting impulsively, I paused to take three deep breaths, an emotional control technique that calmed my heartbeat and cleared my mind. Then I focused on active listening, maintained eye contact, and responded thoughtfully by greeting him warmly and preparing his usual bagel just as he liked. This shift in my behavior, rather than allowing frustration to guide me, truly helped improve the communication climate, reduce tension, and build mutual respect over time.

My self-perception and how others see me also changed how I selected my mate. Because I view myself as kind and empathetic, I found myself looking for someone who valued open communication and treated me with care. On the other hand, before marriage, I did avoid partners who dismiss feelings or act impatiently, since those behaviors clash with my own need for respectful dialogue. We know that emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are deeply interconnected. For instance, back in the day, before asking someone out on a date (which was VERY rare for me), I noticed my mind jumping to worst-case scenarios. By challenging those negative thoughts through positive reframing, reminding myself of past successful conversations, I was able to stay calm, choose respectful words, and enjoy the interaction. The calm emotion, revised thought, and caring behavior worked together to create a positive outcome, believe me, that was BIG for me!

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with controlling self-doubt in new social situations (like most of us do), where my mind races with “What if they judge me?” To improve these “moments”, I, once again, will usually pause to take a couple of deep breaths and replace those negative thoughts with affirmations like “I belong here, it’s going to be just fine.” My personal goal is to use the breath-pause technique at least once daily and reflect on these areas for growth to see how managing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors can strengthen my relationships and guide me toward more positive, genuine connections. I encourage you to do the same.