Blog Entry #3: How My Family of Origin Shaped My View of Love

The purpose of this blog is to reflect on how my family of origin has influenced my values, behaviors, and expectations in romantic relationships. In Interpersonal Communication (Floyd, 2024), Chapters 5 and 6 highlight how nonverbal communication and emotional expression play a huge role in how we form connections and deal with conflict. These early patterns start with our families. From the way we express love to how we handle disagreements, our family background helps shape our communication style and our attachment to others.

Growing up, my family was BIG! Seven siblings plus me! Our house was full of voices, opinions, and tons of shared memories. My parents always encouraged us to talk about how we felt, especially when we were upset. One of their biggest rules was “never go to bed angry,” and that stuck with me. They were authentic with their words but also gentle. Even when something difficult needed to be said, how they said it mattered. Tone and delivery were everything. Watching them be open and respectful taught me that honesty and kindness go hand in hand.

These dynamics helped shape what I look for in a romantic relationship. As I’ve shared before, being open, honest, and kind in communication is something I really value. I believe in speaking with love, sharing with love, and responding with love, not reacting with anger or shutting down. That kind of emotional safety is something I try to bring into my relationship. I want to emulate everything my parents modeled. Their love was profound, nurturing, and real. I truly believe that gave me a strong foundation.

In my own relationship, though, things didn’t always line up at first. My husband grew up with just one sibling, while I had seven. His idea of handling conflict was to hash it out right away, almost like a debate. I was used to slowing down, thinking things through, and speaking from a place of calm. At times, this difference in communication styles caused tension, but understanding where it came from helped us learn from each other.

Knowing how much my family shaped me has helped me make more conscious choices in love. It reminds me to stay aware of my patterns. like the need for calm connection and being open to someone else's ways of expressing love. If there’s ever a pattern I need to break, I try to pause and ask myself, “Is this helping us or hurting us?”

Looking back, I’ve gained a lot of insight. I realize how lucky I was to grow up in such a warm and supportive home. This reflection has helped me appreciate the tools I bring into relationships and shown me where I can still grow. I honestly believe that as I move forward, I’ll continue choosing love that reflects what I’ve learned and keep building it, one kind word at a time.